Thursday, January 11, 2007

To Post or not to Post

Eleven days into my post a day project I am happy to report that my experiment is going well. I don't want to jinx it by revealing too much of what I've learned now, but I had thought it that it would be more difficult to come up with something to say every day. The opposite has been true. Indulging in a bit of daily stream of consciousness writing has actually produced more than I post here. Some things get cut for being too personal, too raw to share with anyone who is not me.

Tonight is one of those nights where my head is racing in too many directions for it to calmly settle on any one idea. It's not a night where I feel much like posting anything. I almost told myself that I had posted every night when I was sick, so surely it would be okay to skip a day, but I didn't want to do that. Being on my way to acheiving something (even this) is a good feeling. I don't want to ruin it, not now.

It is a night when I am not content to sit still. I am in fixer upper mode having spent the evening sketching out a plan for Phase 1 of Project Peacock (aka The Roomening) and developing a Phase 2 that I did not even know existed until today. I can't say much more, because I am still working it out. It is all about creating an ambience, a productive environment, not only in my home but in the other areas of my life. It is about conscious choice and seeking out what feels good (not momentarily good, but good in the bigger sense). But that is all a plan to be worked out tomorrow after my trip to the Hair Goddess (which really is not unrelated to my phase 2 scheme). I'm thinking deep purple and blonde again, but that could all change by tomorrow night. Things happen. Plans change. Either way, I'm looking forward to having my hair done. Sporting a new 'do ranks high on my list of life's simple pleasures.

And, now, since I am at the rambly point where I could say anything, I think it is best that I bid this day good night. Angel awaits...


Jen said...

Hooray for the hair goddess!

I'm glad that the daily blogging has sparked (or is reflecting) more positive change for you. Here's to writing! (and now comes the unsolicited advice...) you've got to stop downplaying what you've accomplished "(even this)" so far. More celebrating (and writing), less equivocating! (and more Angel...)

Chris said...

As you decided not to post much, this is me not commenting much.

Which Angel episode are you up to?

Martina said...

Jen: The daily exercise of self-discipline has been really good, for me, since deep down in my heart, I am the world's greatest procrastiator. There've been plenty of days when I've thought "Oh, crap. I REALLY don't feel like doing this today" (today would be one!), but, so far, I've stuck with it. I'm pretty proud of that, because I really wasn't sure I could do it.

Ultimately, it's not the blogging itself I care so much about as developing the habit of setting aside time each day, which will hopefully help with some fiction projects. The blog is cool for me, because of the added shame factor, if I don't follow through. The liberating thing about all of it so far has been approaching it from a standpoint of not caring about the product as much as the doing. I mostly haven't planned ahead, nor has there been much self-editing involved (except maybe typos or glaringly bad grammar). There are plenty of technical things I could probably be working on (like having the posts have a point...tee hee), but for now it's all about the doing, which feels pretty good after years of paralysing trash talk to myself.

Chris: I just finished Season 1 and plan to begin Season 2 tonight or tomorrow.

Jen said...

excellent news that I am glad to hear! I apologize for my own bad habit of getting knee-jerk defensive about blogging. Some of the best writing I've read and most generous people I've come across in the past year have been blogs/bloggers.

Anyway, I'm happy to be reading your words on this blog, and I'm so glad that your experiment has got you writing again!.

Martina said...

Jen - It's ok. I didn't really take it as knee-jerk defensive. Even if I had, I'm pretty fine with differences of opinion as long as no one thinks discussion means I have to give mine up. Anyway, I think blogging is pretty much like everything else, there are some people who are great writers, some who are not so great. Tastes being as divergent as they are, what's "good" and what's "bad" gets into some grey area. Ultimately, it's about self-expression, which is generally pretty worthwhile. I know I'm getting what I wanted out of it (at least for now...what I want will probably change when this phase is over, but it's a first step). Over all, I'm pretty happy with my experiment.