For someone who intended to ignore her birthday this year, I sure have celebrated it a lot. Not only was the actual day a lovely mix of movies, music, food and friends, but I had invitations to visit with friends for birthday meals on Friday and Sunday. I've eaten so much this weekend, I am about to burst. There was ice cream with homemade fudge sauce, Tunisian flatbread sandwiches (so good I could live on them!) and an insanely huge Mexican feast featuring fresh sopes (my favorite!), beans, rice, enchiladas and strawberry cake. While I feel right now like I never want to eat again, I probably will. I am fickle that way.
All the visiting with friends this weekend been a nice break from stressing out over unemployment, finding a new job, getting my taxes done, and worrying about any number of things ranging from jury duty to renewing my driver's license (oh, man, I cannot believe I am going to be saddled with that picture for the next eight years. There's an ID card that is just begging to get "lost"!) to helping my mom find her paperwork, so she can renew her ID card.
This whole unemployment thing still has me feeling unsettled. While I have plenty of interests to keep myself busy, I find myself feeling guilty if I spend too much free time not actively looking for work. Thinking back to my childhood, both of my parents worked very hard. There were plenty of times when I remember my dad working two jobs. My mom used to tell stories about my grandfather and how he always told them "I don't care what job you choose, but you will work". The whole "you have to have a job to be productive thing" is pretty ingrained in me. I think it's a big part of what stopped me from pursuing something in the arts when I was younger.
At the same time, there is part of me that sees how unbalanced my life had become. Before the corporate bankruptcy, I hardly ever made time to write or play music. The last thing I remember writing and finishing was a poem six months ago, and even taking the time to do that was an anomaly. I think some of it is that my work used such a different part of my brain that it's sometimes difficult to shift gears at the end of the day. I have no idea what will happen, but I have to believe wherever I end up professionally, there has to be time to do both.