Friday, March 29, 2013

Important News in the Land of the Unemployed

It became clear to me today as I was reading about J.Lo's demands that what my job search is missing is a rider! In addition to my fears of ending up in the poorhouse (Edgefield, clear out a room, I'm movin' in!), one of the things that bums me out about losing my job is that there is a good chance my telecommuting days will be over. To make this more fun, I've decided that I have demands that will need to be met before I perform any permanent duties for The Man:
  • If the talent (that's me!) must work in a cubicle, a mini-bar will be required. If a full office is provided, a regular bar is acceptable.
  • The talent will not take part in Casual Friday, but will instead observe Formal Friday. On this day, she will wear a gown and tiara and fully expects to be addressed as Her Serene Highness (Note: Tiara is optional for other work days)
  • The talent will not be subjected to wearing a uniform, but is open to and encouraging of interesting headgear (fascinators, headdresses, hats, butterfly henins etc. Also see above note regarding tiara).
  • If in the performance of duties the talent is required to terminate another employee, the news will be delivered in the form of song (Bye, Bye Mein Lieber Herr, from Cabaret)
Of course, this is just a start and I need to get all the legalese worked out, but I feel really good about my rider so far. I think number four in particular will really help me make the move I've been contemplating into Human Resources. I'm glad I spent my evening coming up with the beginnings of my rider instead of wasting valuable time perfecting my resume or applying for more jobs to report to unemployment to prove that I have been actively seeking employment and therefore entitled to some government cheese.

Speaking of government cheese, it looks like I will have to wait a little longer for mine. It is (for now, anyway) only temporary, but I am back working for my former company until our assets are sold. That's right, I have unlocked the disco file cabinet (sadly, I don't have a picture handy, but it is sparkly blue and sparkles just a little brighter whenever I sing "Fernando" while waiting on hold!) and am back in business. If the right party wins the bid, there is a chance it would mean that I could stay working in my little home office wonderland indefinitely. While the part of me that shuns change and enjoys wearing my dia de los muertos sugar skull pajama bottoms to work finds great relief in this idea, I am not counting on it. Instead, I am resisting the urge to get too comfortable with the familiarity and am trying to treat this project like any other temp job. If this work out, that will be great (even ideal!), but in case it doesn't, I have to stay open to other opportunities. Sadly, my former boss (who was in my head and a few of my issue logs known as all comes full circle!) has already moved on, so I am no longer working with him, but my new J.Gro seems pretty nice as well.

Until next time, here is some Wham Rap! It would have adopted it as my unemployment anthem, if only I were livin' in a gangsta's paradise like 1980's George Michael and Andrew Ridgeley. Some of us just aren't street like they were!

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