Sunday, November 26, 2006

Rambling Post-Thanksgiving Post

How is it that vacations always manage to pass so quickly? How does life pass so quickly? When I left work last Friday, it felt like I had an eternity to putter around, read, go on outings, and do all those things I don't normally make the time to do. Yet, in what feels like almost no time, here it is Sunday night. Work looms and I dread going back.

My lack of enthusiasm is not aided by the fact that, for over a week now, I've been fighting off a sort of mild sneezy, headachey, stomach ailmentish thing that has yet to morph into a full blown flu, but refuses to just go away. I hate this not feeling truly sick, but just a little under the weather. For a day or two, it feels like it's getting better, then it comes back again. Thankfully, has not really hampered my vacation time activities beyond giving me an excuse to not feel bad about sleeping in until ten. Also, it did at least have the decency to give the impression to have left in time for Thanksgiving (before coming back a day later).

Malaise aside, it's been a pretty good week. It has featured a good mix of sleeping in, visiting with friends, eating too much, spending some welcome time alone (a rarity for me), pre-black Friday Christmas shopping (you won't likely see me in a mall between now and Christmas), and doing a lot of reading (4 or 5 books since last Friday). I also managed to make my first ever collage (who knew it was so fun?), but did not get around to my sworn promise to myself (a promise that I like to think of it as Operation Peacock) to finally redecorate my boring brown paneled bedroom a cheery shades of blue and green or to rearrange it (though perhaps I will rally later tonight and accomplish at least something on that front). And, as you can see, vacation has not diminished my great fondness for the parenthetical aside. God bless whoever invented parenthesis!

Asides aside, it really has been nice to have some free time. It is refreshing to get away from work, even if it did follow me into vacation with a voice mail message from my boss. I'm not quite sure which part of "I am on vacation" is so difficult to understand, but elected to just leave until I go back on Monday. It was not really important. If it had been, my stupid sense of guilt probably would have induced me to address the issue. Thankfully, my stupid sense of guilt had its ass kicked by my irrepressible sense of "Whee! I'm on vacation" about ten minutes after leaving work last Friday.

As far as work goes, I am trying to stick it out one more month until the reorg is over. There is a possibility that things may organize themselves more positively for me in the form of a new job working more closely with schools and I am also due a bonus check in January. After that, though, decisions will need to be made!

I am still contemplating the possibility of going back to school (MS in psychology? teaching/esl certificate?). I really don't know. What I do know, however, is that there is no good reason why I cannot contemplate that from a better, less draining job that doesn't put 221.8 miles (that is multiple trips to the beach, in case you were wondering!) on my car each week. That might have been okay when I enjoyed my job (Yes, there was actually a time when I enjoyed working there! It seems so long ago...), but somehow it doesn't seem so worth it these days.

I've already updated my resume. Perhaps I will make a follow up appointment with the person who led the career workshop I took a few weeks ago. It really frustrates me sometimes, this confusion about what it is that I want to do. It should be easy, shouldn't it? I am me. I should know better than anyone what it is that I want, shouldn't I?


Jen said...

I am happy that you had a nice vacation (malaise aside)! I was glad to see you more often and assist with the crossing off of items on your list. (who knew collaging was so fun? I did!!)

You are so right -- figuring out what you want sounds like it should be simple, but it is not! At least I've found it to be that way, too. But I think once you make the decision that change is necessary, it does become easier.

Sign me up if you need any painting assistance for Operation Peacock.

Martina said...

Yes it (obvious exception for malaise) WAS fun. I agree that it was nice to do more stuff and will definitely solicit your assistance with Operation Peacock.

You're right about the figuring. I'm wondering if I'm going to be laid off. My boss has been kind of squirrelly and on some unusually long conference calls the past couple of days. I pretty much know change is a-comin', but not exactly what sort.

Ultimately, my worry with the possibility of loss is more bill related than it is "I must keep THIS particular job related". I feel better, though, after having looked more closely last night at severance, unemployment, etc.

Jen said...

Oh, no! those big "change-a-comin'" changes are always a freaking mess! If there are layoffs, it will affect you even if you aren't one of the ones to go. Argh. I hope that whatever the outcome, it leads to positive changes for you.

Martina said...

Me too, though I don't know. This week actually was not bad. I've been designing a lot of training/reference materials, which I actually do enjoy. I hear that we're getting a temp in January to help with a big project, so maybe my layoff neuroses were a bit proactive. Either way, I DO know things are changing, but just not how much they're going to affect me personally. And, like I said, neither version in my head would be ALL bad.