Saturday, October 07, 2006


According to my Victorian Grimoire, irises are the flower of hope and messages. This has been a week of comings from the blue lifting hopes I thought had been quelled. I'm not sure what to think. I hold my breath. I don't want to talk about these things for fear that it will jinx them, yet I feel like I will burst if I don't. So, have struck a compromise by adopting a write now, post later policy. This allows for the best of both worlds - Talk, yes! Kein ayin hara, no!

I love that expression, kein ayin hara. It appeals to the deep-seated superstition I harbor about sharing good fortune before its certain. That makes for bad mojo this laying of all cards on the table. I like to think that I am a reasonable, rational person (or at least that I have the capacity to be so), but deep down I have this completely irrational fear that if I talk too much about something good, the universe will take it away from me. No one likes a braggart. Being happy too soon only invites heartbreak. Things just seem to go better when kept to myself.


Jen said...

I think this is a perfectly reasonable compromise! Rational, even. As long as you don't keep yourself from feeling joy just so it doesn't get snatched away, I think you're doing okay. (not that you asked for my permission or opinion, really... but you know how the internet is.)

Martina said...

Yeah, I'm sure it's ONLY because it's the internet that you're giving your opinion! Tee hee.

Still, you make a good point. I think I do feel it (joy, joy, joy, joy down in my soul...), I'm just wary of it getting squashed like a bug. Perhaps one day I'll train myself to be a little more free wheeling with my hopes, but at this point, I'm still proud conductor of the "don't wanna jinx it" train.