Thursday, June 15, 2006


Laguna Beach
Originally uploaded by Martina.
No time to post. I need a vacation or a new job or a nap or something. To borrow a phrase from Neil Gaiman, I am far from gruntled. I have a long list of things I about which I have been wanting to post:

- 3 Leg Torso
- Mix lists for March, April, May
- Who would win in a hot off between Johnny Depp & James Marsters? (ok, maybe it's not a topic for a post, but it's a competition I could enjoy...I do have my theories, though...)
- Paulo Coelho
- The Mystery of the Multiplying Draculas and the Contest
- Theme Music
- Tarot
- Reading groups

Perhaps I'll use this as a place holder and revisit them again later or perhaps I'll never think about them again. It's hard to say.

For now, though, I will restrict myself to posting a Phillip Lopate poem, found in Anne Lamott's Bird by Bird. It hits perhaps a little close to my neurotic home, but it still makes me smile:

We who are
your closest friends
feel the time
has come to tell you
that every Thursday
we have been meeting,
as a group,
to devise ways
to keep you
in perpetual uncertainty
discontent and
by neither loving you
as much as you want
nor cutting you adrift.
Your analyst is
in on it,
plus your boyfriend
and your ex-husband;
and we have pledged
to disappoint you
as long as you need us.
In announcing our
we realize we have
placed in your hands
a possible antidote
against uncertainty
indeed against ourselves.
But since our Thursday nights
have brought us
to a community
of purpose
rare in itself
with you as
the natural center,
we feel hopeful you
will continue to make unreasonable
demands for affection
if not as a consequence
of your disastrous personality
then for the good of the collective.

Something else that makes me smile. The opening to Mark Helprin's short story "The Schreuderspitze":

"In Munich are many men who look like weasels. Whether by genetic accident, meticulous crossbreeding, an early an puzzling migration, coincidence, or a reason that we do not know, they exist in great numbers. Remarkably, they accentuate this unfortunate tendency by wearing mustaches, Alpine hats, and tweed. A man who resembles a rodent should never wear tweed."

Good advice indeed. There's no more to say, so I won't.


Jen said...

Aw, man! I am sorry that you are far from gruntled.

I look forward to reading anything you may care to write on any of the topics listed (I, too, have my Johnny Depp/ James Marsters theories!). Or, for that matter, anything you may care to write on anything.

You made me go get my copy of bird by bird and find that section, which is SUCH A GOOD ONE! Who knew that paranoia and obsession were such common maladies? I feel like part of a larger community of psychos now!

I hope that your work situation gets less hectic soon. (remember, if you're punching people, uncross your fingers -- it hurts less). Let me know if you want to do something this weekend, although I certainly understand if you need to spend some quiet time getting re-gruntled.

Martina said...

Thanks, man. I think the professional regruntling will take a while - either until the project we're on is done or I get the performing arts dream job. I'm not sure which is more likely. At least I'll know if I got an interview in a couple weeks.

My private regruntling at this time focuses largely around one person. I suspect that if that part comes together, all the other little parts I *think* are ungruntled will fall back in line again. It's funny how it works, but between that and my difficulty keeping a good attitude about work, all of those little neuroses (nobody really wants me around, I suck at everything, etc.) rear their ugly little heads more frequently. It's like my anxieties are a host bar and they're ready to par-tay!

On the up side, I can justifiably feel that I am an active participant in the general community of psychos.

Oh, yeah, and good advice on the punching people (even if the notion of me punching anyone makes me laugh).

Jen said...

1. you so don't suck!
2. come around/over anytime you want!!

I'm not sure what's going on this weekend (except that walk thing on Sunday -- but that's early) but I have a stack of old movies from the library and also intend to do some sewing. If you want to haul your machine over and do some communal sewing it could be fun! Or something else, if that sounds completely sucktastic.

anyway, I'm sorry you feel like you've got the worst seat on the crazy train. (I hate that train! But we keep getting on it over and over!) If your boss is being really evil, just imagine yourself punching her. It sounds nuts, but it helps. During my last bad days at DK I used to have fantasies of sailing over the conference table charlie's angels/kung-fu style and kicking my boss repeatedly in the head! It didn't make her suck any less as a boss, but it did give me a small measure of evil satisfaction. When things are bad, even a small measure helps!